I could hear the water of the shower running in our bathroom upstairs. I wasn’t sure what to make of the whole situation he had been sleeping on a air mattress at the gym and we hadn’t seen each other since I had gotten back for Illinois. My feelings were still hurt and so was his. Neither of us wants to fight but neither of us wanted to concede to the other either.
Marriage had been hard and we had gotten together young we hadn’t had all the right conversations with each other before tying the knot but we did have many of the same values and needs. I was tired of being taken for granted and he was too. Our desire was to spend more time as a family together but with each of us working full time it was clear that we both wanted and needed more.
After 14 year of being together both our conversations and our relationship had gotten stale and it seemed like excitement was a thing of the past. In truth it was probably more my fault than his that our relationship had grown stale. I hadn’t been present to the commitments I made to him. I could continue to make excuses for myself but that no longer felt like it was in anyone’s best interest. If I was completely honest things had gotten boring for me too and I was itching for something more exciting.
I missed the days when we were dating when everything was new I wanted things to feel carefree again but I wasn’t sure how to rekindle the magic that had been there in the beginning. I felt frumpy and not as attractive hardened from years of marriage, work and the drudgery of every day life. We had become ghosts to each other who only for brief encounters.
It came off as anti climactic to say that my husband was the best lay of my life. I thought that was how it should be. But the usual wasn’t working for either of us and I wanted a more exciting sex life also. In a lot of ways the humbling truth was that we really just missed each other. We were compatible in many ways but missed the boat on others. he wanted to watch porn and I thought going to the strip club would be more fun. It didn’t make sense that we just barley missed each others marks. We had gotten married young, and dated and experimented in our youth, realistically married people have way more sex than single people do. So we both knew what we were and were not interested in it was just really hard to keep it exciting in the bedroom when there really wasn’t that much that is new.
Initially I wanted to be upset by the idea of “dating” again but after some thought the idea made everything exciting and new again and it was like being teenagers again in between the sheets.